Lets take a small detour shall we? So college was fun...for awhile, being in a big university had its excitment, and then being actually on my own slapped me in the face like a red headed step child. So in 08 I decided to take the year off, and still to this day have absolutely no idea what exactly I want to do, but my indecision is a compeletly diffrent story. So fresh out of my first year of college, if I wasnt going to go to school then I had to get a job. Otherwise I would have been a total bum and, believe me, no one was going to have that. So I started my first job at Kroger. (fancy right?) and you'd think theres nothing exciting about working in a grocery store....and you'd be right. But, where teenagers and 20 somethings work, drama, dating, and fights go hand in hand like the elderly and expired coupons.
So here is where the journey continues. After that debacle I called my first boyfriend I met my second one, while working in Kroger's. I didn't meet him at work though, but this is too good of story to pass up. I actually met him through some family friends. Now for some unknown reason to me, I had fallen into the habit, I guess from the previous douchebag, of paying...for EVERYTHING, hey old habits die hard right? Don't get me wrong this isn't he 1950s and I by no means am one of those girls that thinks oh you have a hang-down, you pay for the dates. Not at all, I don't mind pitching in, or doing things on my treat, but for a long time I paid for everything. I honestly think if I had all that money right now I could probably afford my dream car no problem. So the new guy, well call him "A", (for asshole) his biggest flaw, was that he thought without a shadow of a doubt he was Gods gift to women. You should never be so cocky gentlemen, all girls at some point realize that all this means is well, you would be the crappy AM FM stuffed animal radio that was re-gifted, if God did such a thing. And "A" was no exception to this rule. In the beginning, as with most relationships, everything was great. He was new and fun, and I didn't think anything could go wrong. Incorrect, I mean come on Murphy's law is "whatever can go wrong, will go wrong." so I should have prepared myself. So as the weeks went on all I began to hear about was how great "A" was in the sack. A real romance novel worthy fabio if you will. He attributed his "talents" if you will to being raised by women...This is like saying I'm a fucking rocket scientist because my dad was one, or I'm a Doctor because I have medical books in the book shelf. So after a while of waiting for the sex to happen, because I did always try to wait, wether I succeeded or not, we finally decided to go all the way. Now, lets take a minute to guess exactly what happened.......Yep thats right, this guy was about as experienced as I am at olympic gymnastics, and thats not at all. Now I will interject that I don't make sex the most important part of the relationship, I mean after all you could be a total winner in the bedroom, but shitty boyfriend material. What made "A" material for this..blog I guess...wasnt that he sucked in the sack, or that he was umm, on the smaller scale, or even that he was like the little engine that couldnt hold his load, it was the reaction to these devastating qualities. Myself, I took everything in stride, because honestly I actually liked the guy. So low and behold 4 days later he decided that I was to blame and said "It's not that I dont like you...it's just i cant DATE some one Im not 100 % into.." Let that soak in for a minute, is your brain nice and marinated yet? Ok, so I'm sure youre on the same page I was right? My response was, well I guess that make sense, how much into me do you have to be to have sex with me...20% 50%? Well lets just say when he was taken a back by my less then friendly response, he sheepishly said I didnt want to be a dick. Well men, if you break up with a girl and DONT want to sound like a dick, then please dont include percentages into your "this is why I dont want to date you anymore" speech.
So that was that...another one bites the dust. Now I was really sad, I wont lie, I cried like a baby, and wondered what the fuck was that all about, but believe me that quickly changed to pure rage, and revenge is best served with a side dish of anger on a plate of beat that ass. So immediatly after my second failed relationship I needed a shoulder to cry on, so I went to my dads friends house, where I knew I could vent to my "second mom" she was easy to talk to, and I knew she'd make me feel better. When I told her everything, in true motherly fashion, she called "A's" mother. Embarassing? Slightly, but in a strange way it felt good to have someone stick up for me. Heres where the douchebaggery flings itself willingly into epic failure mode. So according to "A's" mom not only did she know we had broken up....but low and fucking behold "A" had been talking about it for a week...Except in true asshole form, he decided to wait untill after the sex to actually go through with it. Yeah and we all know about the phrase "guys only want one thing"...see College Dropout. So like I said, revenge is served well with this kind of shitty behavior, so I could only do one thing. That was to tell everyone just how "great" he was in the sack, that and a particularly heafty seceret that I can only say involves a little homo erotica and a thirteen year old boys back door virginity...or virginity in general if you know what I'm saying. In the end, it was me and my vindictive ass that had the last laugh.
Ladies, revenge is never something I would out right tell you is a good thing to do. But I'm honest and believe me it can really help the healing process. So that's it for now, as always I hope you enjoyed, and hope you read whats to come : )
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